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The Court is now in recess
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| Time: | 8:26 am. |
| Mood: |  gloomy. | | Music: | Elton John- The Bitch is Back. |
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What to do?
I was supposed to call that one lady back about giving her kid guitar lessons, like a week ago, but I'm thinking that I'm just going to leave a message on her machine saying that it's a no go. For some reason I just don't feel like trying to get some A.D.D. child to sit still and learn modes for an hour every Saturday. Hmmmmmm. Funny.
Going to Micha's funeral next Tuesday. Too much.
Nice massage Saturday. Was much needed.
Hope Eric had a good time at E's prom. But not too good! He didn't seem that pumped to go.
Wow. Nancy and I talked about how crappy this year has been. And it really has, when you look at the whole of all of this. Thought highschool was supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life. Sad. Apparently I missed that memo. Will try again next round.
Prom's Saturday! Josh told me that he's got a really big surprise for me! Gah! I hate surprises! And I'll only have like an hour to get read once I get off of work. Crazy! I think it's so cool that we've kept this for real after all this time. He's such an awesome guy. Hopefully it's worth my time.
This sortong hat thing is pissing me off! I try to post, and it tells me that 'the maximum number of entries and posters has been exceeded. Hmmmmm. I think that there's just a backup of entries, and I'll try to be more patient......like Hell!!!
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| Time: | 8:03 am. |
| Mood: |  meh. | | Music: | Sinatra- Fly Me to the Moon. |
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Last night was not fun. Didn't sleep very well, and heard from a certain person that I told a long time ago to stay the hell out of my life. *sigh* 'Tis be rough.
Nightmares are coming again. Everyone needs a healthy dose of those! Needless to say, today's going to be one hellofa challenge. Thank god I have coffee...
Still get scared every time the phone rings......this is not fun.
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Thursday, April 21st, 2005
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Yeah, so I learned why the Popes change their names. Apparently, in the year 687, that Pope (can't remember what his name is), was trying to get a Peace Treaty (Treace Peaty!)from the surrounding areas, and in one of the...groups?, his name translated into 'Swine Snout', and that country refused to sign because his name offended their people. So he changed his name to something more...generic and everyone was happy. Ande I guess that all of the other Popes have just been Lemmings and followed him off of that cliff. Fun day!
Band.........
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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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Hey! We have a new Pope! Bennedict XVI! I was rooting for the guy from Argentina, but that's alright. This guy's a bit on conservative side for me. Well, after all, he is the new Pope, but still.
I wonder why they take new names when they enter the Papacy. My boss wants me to find out for him, seeing as how I am a pure Catholic and all! This should be fun!
 | You scored as Mindfuck. Congratulations, you scored Mindfuck. You've probably seen a lot of movies, and have grown to hate mainstream shit. You're looking for the movie that will leave you breathless, and with 21 questions to think about. Check out: Donnie Darko, Being John Malkovich, Pulp Fiction, Memento.
Mindfuck | | 100% | Artistic | | 95% | Drama/Suspense | | 75% | Sci-Fi/Fantasy | | 35% | Sadistic Humour | | 15% | Romantic Comedy | | 0% | Mindless Action Flick | | 0% | </td>
Movie Recommendation.
created with QuizFarm.com |
Science blows. I feel like nothing is getting done. All the time that we were gone, Cassie hardly did anything. I know that she was gone that one day, but the fact that she still hasn't turned in that assignment really pissed me off. I wish that I could have been in a group that I was guaranteed to get something done. Eric's nice, but just not as constructive as I'd like him to be. Plus I'm a bit miffed at how he's leading Laura on. That's just not fair to her, and he knows it.
Ooodles of fun.
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Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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| Time: | 7:39 am. |
| Music: | Eric Clapton. |
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Aaaannnnddddddd we're back! Disneyland was much fun. Not all that I thought it would be, but still quite nice. What I needed most of all was a chance to get away and forget all that is going on. *forget*
Bo's gone, and he's never coming back. Good riddance. I no longer have a use for that one. Hopefully he grasps the situation and just leaves me the hell alone, but if not, I'm sure that I can make it very apparent.
This proves to me that people just aren't my strong point. I might have the good intention of helping, but I'm starting to get used to the idea that a life alone might not be such a bad thing. Hopefully I won't turn out to be one of those crazy old women with like five thousand cats that kids dare each other to go ring my doorbell. Meh. We'll see.
Apparently Jessica is pissed at me because I deleted her comment on my Schivo entry. Bummer. Terribly sorry that she got her nose bent out of shape because I didn't feel the need to keep something on my journal that I didn't agree to. Apparently there is some status quo book that I forgot to read, and violated her right to keep telling me her opinion. Sorry. I'll apologize after I've read the section about keeping her in a pleasant mood.
Going to attempt to enter back into my life. Slow steps are advised.
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| Time: | 12:12 pm. |
| Mood: | meh. | | Music: | WAR- Low Rider. |
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Had my birthday party yesterday. Funny that I was the last person invited to it. Told mum that I didn't want a party, but she got it into her head that I was merely being a difficult teenager and rebelling against any forms of fun to piss her off. Wrong. Birthdays just don't matter to me. So you're another year older. At least you're still alive to know it. So she goes and invites all of the close family that I have left, all of which is psychotic and should die, and calls 'em all over to my house to sit and bitch about themselves. Yeah. Not fun.
Been terribly cold lately. Should start eating for good measure.
It's raining and my bird's outside all alone in it! Gah! Poor Larry. I hope he's alright...
Too much of nothing to say!
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Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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This is turning out to be quite the day. I've learned the joyous experience of sharing a bad mood with another. Kudos to you, Eric, for being as pissed about this as I am.
Terri Schivo died around eight. Walked into Mote's office, and saw it posted on the front page of the web. People are so stupid. "We're letting her die with dignity." HOW?!!! By pulling her ability to live and making the decision for her that she deserves to die because she's a burden to her husband?!? I'm sorry sir, if the fact that your wife's refusal to die was adhering to the time that you got to spend fucking some other woman. Excuse our social faux pas. Why was it, after fifteen, that's right, fifteen, years of her living, he decides that now was the time for her to die. I know that he was adamant about it before, but this time, he was bound and determined to have his wife finally dead. People are sick fucks. No. That's too....blatant of a word for it. Selfish. Terribly, quietly, deliciously selfish. The ironic thing is that the topic of death or Schivo kept coming up at the most random of times. I leave Science, and when I come back in, Field's talking about the process of Rigor Mortis. Fun day!
We're not going to talk about Bo now. Seemingly, there's not a lot to say. He's now someone else's case. *guilt*
Gave blood. Still feeling a bit woozy. Got a pimp-ass t-shirt, and the nurse drew an iodine flower on my arm. Much fun.
Should go......
Cheers!
*note to self- you can't help everyone*
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Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
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Went to a band festival today. Not much to say about it. Can't really tell what Shaun's intentions are, and I don't know what to make of them. Meh.....
Didn't really mean to ignore Bo today......or did I...?..... But apparently it put him out a lot. Hmmmmmm. It's amazing how something so indirect can impact him so greatly. Strange.
Only fifteen days until we leave!!!! I'm so pumped! Heck yes! A break from Mark, life, and everything else that's included! A few days to forget it all. I can't wait! Happy Birthday to me!
Having a huge caffine headache. Caught between being terribly hyper and not being able to move very quickly. This....is....odd.
Have to work today. I hope that Eric doesn't lose his job. He makes working there more....relaxing. Another one that I'm not sure about. People are stupid. Huzzah for being a lemming!
History class has become more of a 'talk about your feelings' time. Pisses me off! Had to write about an event that we were going to tell our kids. Ummmmm, no? The hell kind of a class is he running?! He should be a goddammed therapist. *And how does that make you feel?* Fuck off! It's pointless to bring kids into this world. What good will it ever do you? Coming to the revelation that humankind just might be a glorious mistake. Quite depressing, really. But, what can you do?
'Bout ready to strangle Emily. Wow. I just realized that I can't put my real thoughts down. Sad day. Well, should be going!
Cheers!
*note to self- apparently having an X and a Y chromosome really fucks you up*
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Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
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| Subject: | Meh |
| Time: | 8:19 am. |
| Mood: | hopeless. | | Music: | Keane- Somewhere only we know. |
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Wow. It's been quite the while since one's last entry. Things have been...*generalized*...meh. Well, Bo and I aren't together, times have been tough at home, band's pretty good, Eric's really been a...good? friend, and through it all, I've been good! I'm so proud of me! Plus Summer's coming up, and the whole exposure of shoulders thing just isn't going to be fun. I've been following up on a lot of politics lately, and some of the things that are going on in the world right now are just not fun.
Schiavo's feeding tube will not be reinserted. There was only a panel of three judges, and it was a ruling of 2-1 for her to die. They said that it was the husband's decision, not the parent's. She's already been through five days of no food or water, and I honestly believe that she knows what is happening to her body, and she knows that in a week, she's going to be dead. What a way to die. To know everyday that you're here, is a burden to another, and that they are just waiting for you to die and put your vegetated ass in the ground so that they can be done with you. What a horrible life. Starvation has to be the one of the worst ways to die. With that kind of...pressure?...on you. People waiting for you to die. *sadness*
Fun day!
Regret isn't an emotion that I feel frequently, but I think that this is quite the exception.
Cheers!
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Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:12 am. |
| Mood: | indifferent. | | Music: | Green Day. |
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We are totally not skipping Band! Supposd to be doing Solo and Ensemble right now, but...to hell with it?
Feel kinda bad for ditching Blake in Nelson's class, but I can't just sit around all day doing nothing, and besides, I'm going to be learning a lot. Yes. Eduaction is much fun.
A&P is so much fun! Well, not right now, becuase all we're learning about is the Biology part of it, like the parts of the cells, and nutrition. Boring day. But in a few weeks Katlin and I are going to be cutting a cat's face into pieces! That's what I came here for! Blake shouldn't be in that class.
I did it again. I know, don't yell at me. This time was bad. I did...permenant? damage. Not good. It took Bo quite awhile to find out. But the thing is, he still didn't yell! Hmmmmmm. What can one say? But it really was bad. I should have had stitches. But, what can you do? I still want to do it again, and I don't really know what's stopping me. Lack of time? Possibly.
Well, Band beckons.
Cheers!
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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
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Hey! It's quiz time! (Again?) Yes!
Your Dominant Intelligence is Musical Intelligence |
Every part of your life has a beat, and you're often tapping your fingers or toes.
You enjoy sounds of all types, but you also find sound can distract you at the wrong time.
You are probably a gifted musician of some sort - even if you haven't realized it.
Also a music lover, you tend to appreciate artists of all kinds.
You would make a great musician, disc jockey, singer, or composer.
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Fun day!
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Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
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Shopping was not mucho el enjoymento. I can't understand...no, comprehend how women can become so obsessed with the act of shopping. That alone has got to be one of the most depressing things that a person can ever do! The act alone was depressing enough, but then to have to walk in there and see all of the women that are better looking than me, and have their daddy's credit ards all ready to charge, just makes me want to...I really don't know what it is that I would want to do, but dammit, it would be irrational! Shopping is not one of my strengths, but when I do go, I always have these magical dreams of walking into a store and being greeted by a wonderful line of employees ready to help me find just exactly what it is that I'm looking for, even if I don't know what that is, per say. But nope! I walk in to a place full of bitchy teens and mid-twenty-somethings that are just too cool to come off of their damn pedastils to grace the commonfolk with their presence and wisdom of the cloth! *melodramatic*
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Friday, December 17th, 2004
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Yeah..I also had a cupcake....it was most deliciously messy.
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| Subject: | Friday |
| Time: | 5:26 pm. |
| Mood: | apathetic. | | Music: | Green Day- Wake Me Up When September Ends. |
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Today is the one week anniversaty of...Skylar's...day. Of knowing how much I am hiding from Bo, I still feel really put out when he doesn't take my emotions seriously. But I'm done bitching about him though...
Current running- heven't eaten in...seven days! Except for the coffees that Kevin bought for me, and that random orange slice that I had on Wednesday. I don't understand what is wrong with me, but it's like just some old habit that I've finally decided to kick. Sooner or later I will have to eat a normal meal again. But the longer that I wait, the harder it will be to start up again. Eating that orange piece nearly made me sick! I'm almost to the point that this should start scaring me, but it's like a fun new game that I've not quite yet tired of yet.
I'm so pumped to go shopping next week!..even though I have no idea what I'm going to buy for people...and to that, who I'm buying for!
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Thursday, December 16th, 2004
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| Subject: | *anger* |
| Time: | 11:51 am. |
| Mood: |  bitchy. | | Music: | Linkin' Park's Figure 9.0. |
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'K. So I'm trying to fix this stupid journal...and for some inate reason, this samn thing doesn't feel the impulse to save the changes that I...DEMAND OF IT!!
For some reason I'm really jittery about letting someone read my journal. It's like I'm giving them a piece of me that is too valualbe to part with. But I suppose that it's just like sex and heroin-the first time is the most painful, but after wards, it just turns into a collection of numbness. *loving of false hopes*
I finally finished with my Senior Portfolio! Yay! One is proud of thineself! I took me so long to get this done, and not that it's finally complete, I've come to realize that what I have based my career around in this is actually not what I'm going to be doing! Stupid indecision!
Bo's coming over on Wednesday! I can't really pin-point exactly why I'm so pumped to have this happen, but I pulled a scene of tears when my mom said that she might be having a party on that day!...the things I do for friends.
But it's going to be kind of tainted because Kevin will be there and currently he's not one of the people that I want to be around. I'll try not to be too...nasty to him, but I'm not sure that I can take his apathy and...arrogance right now. Even if I was in a...normal state of mond, I can only hadle him in small doses. I have to find a way to talk with Bo, yet not damage Kevin's overly inflated ego. Pandamonium!
*note to self- devouring a 16 oz. frozen coffee in less than 30 min. makes you sick and very,very paranoid*
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Thursday, December 9th, 2004
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I honestly think that Mote has Bipolar syndrome. And it always happens between Jazz and Symphonic days. Funny how that works out! Yesterday he was renting and raving about how we had to 'stand strong against the comments that we're going to recieve about the Pep Band, and then today, he's all sunshine again! Dammit! What in the hell is his problem?!
Bo's been cutting more and more class lately and it's really been bothering me. I understand that he doesn't have many people that he can talk to, and I am honored that he will sacrifice his grade to come and heed my words (melodramatic!), but it's pissing me off! He's more worried about what his ex-girlfriends think about him than where he's going to be in ten years, and that really scares me! Sometimes I think that I worry more about him than he does. In my mind that shouldn't be the role of a best-friend. And I'm not even really his best friend even. A best-friend is someone that is like a sibling to you, that you get along with so well, it feels as though you are just equal on nearly everything...not a fucking mother hen! But then again, I'm basing this opinion on the realtionship that I have had with Bryon. I know that this isn't the most fair thing for me to do, but it's what I think. I just have to find a way to tell him this without sounding like a mum.
I don't want to let him into my world.........but on the other hand, I feel that I should, not only for a sense of equality, but for my own sense of security. I think that I need a best friend too. I need someone that I can trust so wholy with my problems and little teenage anticdotes. I need someonet that will put up with my small stupid little problems. I want someone that I can bitch to, and not have to hide my words. I need.......another one of me.
Every time that I have to lecture him on what he's doing wrong, I feel like all that I'm am doing is yelling at my defiant seventeen year-old son. That's not the feeling that I want to feel when I talk with him. I want to be his equal, not some great, all-knowing guru that will give him the answers to all of his problems. What's he going to do when we graduate? I have to find a way to shove him off of a cliff (metaphorically) and force him to either fly or fall. What to do?!
*note to self: don't play fetch with the dog in the house........when your mother's home*
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afireinside25's journal
stressed.